I'm three steps ahead of you, and two steps to the left of a Ghandibot!
I'll eat a jellyfish for Zeus!
One day, you'll all realize that I was right about Spain.
I'm like Hitler, if he were fucking awesome as shit!
I have two girlfriends and your mom wishes she was one of them!
I once injected a VHS copy of Men at Work
with black-tar heroin just to see if it would get me high. It totally did!I summoned the spirit of Davy Crockett and killed nine owls!
Some people say I'm crazy. I don't have a joke here: I'm just aware that people are saying it.
Haliburton should go back to making lipstick for douchbags!
Cloning a lamb? They should clone me! My wool is way softer and stain resistant!
I just shoved a brick of cocaine into the air conditioning ducts! WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS TONIGHT!
I'm like Jesus, only my cross is made of hot bitches and the nails are actually pussy.
I have two girlfriends, and your mom--wait, did I do this one already?
Ride me into glorious battle!
My piss has an atomic weight.
I think Sheen should be a verb; as in, "I just Sheened a Viking long-boat full of pornstars!"
Two and a Half Men should have been called One Man and One and a Half Jewfags!
I'll spit a cobra in the face! I don't even care! I'll own that shit for life!
No, but all kidding aside: he's got a serious problem and I hope he gets help soon. Well...eventually. This is kind of fun to watch.
It's great to watch and has been coming for 20 years. I. Love. It.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have a problem, he's awesome all the time. I'm so hiring him as my PR guy when I become an evil rich bastard and everyone discovers I got there by screwing everyone over. This dude can spin anything. He can smoke in an interview. Who the hell can do that here in 2011? He can, that's who. They barely let the bad guys on adult-oriented television drama shows smoke anymore.
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