Friday, March 4, 2011

Stuff Charlie Sheen Hasn't Said...Yet

 Don't call it cancer, call it "Can-do, sir!"

I'm three steps ahead of you, and two steps to the left of a Ghandibot!

I'll eat a jellyfish for Zeus!

One day, you'll all realize that I was right about Spain.

I'm like Hitler, if he were fucking awesome as shit!

I have two girlfriends and your mom wishes she was one of them!

I once injected a VHS copy of Men at Work with black-tar heroin just to see if it would get me high. It totally did!

I summoned the spirit of Davy Crockett and killed nine owls!

Some people say I'm crazy. I don't have a joke here: I'm just aware that people are saying it.

Haliburton should go back to making lipstick for douchbags!

Cloning a lamb? They should clone me! My wool is way softer and stain resistant!

I just shoved a brick of cocaine into the air conditioning ducts! WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS TONIGHT!

I'm like Jesus, only my cross is made of hot bitches and the nails are actually pussy.

I have two girlfriends, and your mom--wait, did I do this one already?

Ride me into glorious battle!

My piss has an atomic weight.

I think Sheen should be a verb; as in, "I just Sheened a Viking long-boat full of pornstars!"

Two and a Half Men should have been called One Man and One and a Half Jewfags!

I'll spit a cobra in the face! I don't even care! I'll own that shit for life!

No, but all kidding aside: he's got a serious problem and I hope he gets help soon. Well...eventually. This is kind of fun to watch.