25 things you did not know or did not want to know about me

1. I've been strangled to the point of passing out during a fight.

2. My favorite song is Enjoy the Silence

3. I used to burn myself for fun. Usually with melted wax but sometimes lighters.

4. I punched a dog in the face in self-defense. He started it...

5. I always cry at the end of Braveheart. No, I'm not Scottish.

6. I'm not Irish, either.

7. My mother wanted to name me Patrick Joseph (or Patricia Joanne if I were a girl) so she could call me Patty Joe either way. My father stopped her. Thank you, dad.

8. I have weaponized styrofoam and gasoline.

9. I suffer from dendropophobia: a fear of losing my teeth. As such, I clean my teeth 2  - 5 times a day and eat very little candy or drink sugary drinks.

10. When i was 13, I shocked myself with my father's police electric-hand stunner. It was unpleasant but I'm glad I did it.

11. I once filed a restraining order against an ex-girlfriend's father. He was fucking nuts.

12. Poindexter is not a pen name: it is my actual name and I'm proud of it. It means "Righteous Fist" in ancient Norman.

13. I've considered converting to Zoroastrianism on my death bed, just to mess with people.

14. My three most prized physical possessions are a book, a handgun and a piece of jewelry. The first two were gifts from my father. The third was a gift from my wife.

15. I'm morally opposed to circumcision and think it should be illegal. And I'm not, BTW.

16. I have developed an exceedingly high pain tolerance after years of intentionally burning myself as a child/teenager, and having a condition (TMJ) that results in me being in an almost constant state of mild to severe pain. I have been known to ignore cuts until I see blood--sometimes dried--around a wound, pull out my own hair without noticing, and once during a fight with a brother take a kick directly to the groin without flinching or even noticing...I only know this happened because several witnesses saw it occur.

17. I've been informed by several dentists and dental hygienists I have abnormally powerful, healthy teeth. I am exceedingly proud of this, even though it is certainly genetic.

18. I have no idea who Lady Gaga is.

19. My favorite movie is Inherit the Wind (1960)

20. My favorite (living) actor is Jeremy Sisto.

21. I once called the Ed Helms show and offered to fight Bill O'Reilly for charity.

22. I wished I owned a horse.

23. My wife was the first natural blonde I ever dated.

24. The worst novel I've ever read was Wuthering Heights. I hated every word of it and wanted to kill every character. My second most hated novel is Gone With the Wind. Don't give me any shit about that: it was terrible.

25. I don't want to join your cult so stop inviting me to it.