Sunday, September 26, 2010

Assorted Formspring Questions pt. 4

I think I've already done three of these...I'm not going back to count. Questions are in bold and underlined, answers are the opposite.

First off, dragons don't sneeze. Second, not all dragons breathe fire. So, no to both...

Yeah, but not constantly. My three favorite characters for this are Garrett, Gruda and Fred. The first two are dragons. The third is a human sorcerer introduced in the second book.

Garrett is the stoic and prefers to keep to himself. He's not shy, he just doesn't think to interact with people. He's well aware of his power, so it's hard to provoke a violent reaction from him, but once done it's not something of which you want to be on the receiving end. I like to imagine Garrett popping up in movies and shows where there are vampires that need killing--which, he does, usually in human form, but sometimes as a dragon if the vampire is very powerful.

Fred is a nerd with actual magical powers. He can quote the Star Wars trilogy and has first editions of Frank Herbert's Dune series.Any time I want to imagine a chubby spellcaster destroying things while making Doctor Who? jokes ("Always go left!") Fred is my man. I also like to pit him against other spellcasters. Fred is an arcanist, which means he doesn't specialize in any particular form of sorcery. However, most of his spells are of the divination or destruction variety. These are the most practical for him, as he makes a living selling his services.

Gruda had two speeds: walk and destroy. If given the chance, she'd torture and kill everything she saw. She's calculating, though, and capable of experiencing sadism vicariously so she isn't reckless, but she's easy to push into a fight. I tend to imagine her in situations where another psychopath is terrorizing a group of people. Gruda arrives and unleashes a wall of unstoppable death on everyone and everything until she gets tired or bored. Then she snatches up some survivors and takes them back to her lair to eat or torture for a few weeks.

I do occasionally pop other characters into things. I throw Max into detective stories, where his investigation skills and willingness to resort to violence to get what he wants even when it probably isn't necessary would amuse me or advance the plot. He's kind of like the Jack Bauer of social work. Leigh Hilburn (a human monster hunter/mercenary introduced in book three) is fun to put in war stories. Leigh is a capable soldier, but his love of adrenalin often pushes him to do things he probably shouldn't do, like drop into a room fill of vampires with two knives and a grenade, just to see how he gets out of it.

Okay, there is ONE more dragon I like to use: Aoni'a. Sometimes I watch Project Runway with my wife. I usually don't pay attention to it until they get to the part where the fashion experts give the designers their opinions on their pieces. They can get pretty brutal. Anyway, sometimes I imagine Aoni'a (who pretends to be a human model) as one of the guest judges. Aoni'a is incredibly beautiful and confident to a point that it is impossible to put her down. Like most dragons, she has a highly attuned sense of aesthetics. Unlike most dragons, she interacts with humans on a regular basis and had a very keen sense of style. And she's kind of a bitch--usually in a good way. It would just really be fun to see her judging outfits and designers.

First of all, good luck with your novel! Hope you have great success with it!

I use the latest version of MS Word, though I'm thinking of switching to Open Office when I buy new laptop next year. I don't have any software specialized for novel writing. I do use Excel to make timelines for my books, so that I keep track of the time frame, for individual books and for the whole series. All of my books occur in the same universe (the Poindiverse, if you will) so I have to keep close track of the times at which things happen.

Wouldn't you?

I know who you are and I know where you live.

Heh, that takes me back.

I'm offended by this question. Just because Drizzt is black, that doesn't mean he plays sports. I will not tolerate this kind of racial stereotyping on my Formspring! It makes me madder than an Estonian with a burnt bagel!

I'm going to say lazy plotting, probably.

Because then he wouldn't have died.

In Soviet Russia, raptio in antiquity are referring Y-chromosome DNA haplogroups by comparing Human mitochondrial DNA haplo groups with indigenous abducted females by mobile groups of invading males to YOU!

Because he stored them in Hefty bags. They are hefty, hefty, hefty!

Troi. Having her tell the kinky stuff is actually a bonus for me.

Not really and no. Scott Ian is Italian-American. Andre Agassi is Assyrian. Aside from both being bald, I don't get a resemblance.

Nothing. They are not a good band.

Not including wildcat cartridges, or carbines scaled down to pistol size, the .44 Magnum would arguably be the most powerful round available before 1980.


You win. Best. Formspring question. Ever.

Ok, I'm pretty sure I know where this is going...

He said, "Yeah!"

Do you remember when the President was kidnapped by ninjas?

We already did this one.


That makes creepy sense.

Nice. That goes WAY back. WAY. BACK. Do you remember what my name was in that one?

I'm pretty sure it was implied.

No. Dragons in their natural form do not excrete waste. They can eat and digest literally anything. I know where you're going with this: why doesn't Fraise just eat the whole damn planet? Fraise doesn't want to destroy the planet. He's more Cobra Commander crazy/evil, not Marvin the Martian crazy/evil. And I know that, as far as planets go, Earth isn't that big. Jupiter has moons that would laugh at us if they had sentience. But, it's still pretty damn big. If a dragon decided to take it upon himself to eat the entire planet, it would take forever. Not to mention they'd be destroying their own home, and eventually they'd run afoul another dragon who'd be all like, "Hey, Munchie McEattheworld, what the hell?" And, not for nothing but I think we covered this already.

It's worth pointing out that this only applies to the dragon's natural form. In human form, they have a normal (albeit, optimized) digestive system.

I'm not touching that one. Dream Theater fans tend to be very devoted, own swords, have a lot of spare time on their hands. And vans. And few ties to their respective communities. All characteristics of people I don’t want stalking and/or killing me.

I don't know but it seems like it should.

That's kind of what I thought. For the rest of you: he's referring to lines I used in performances from my acting days. Very cute, Joe.

Why do you have a problem with it? I think those are all nice names.

Dhampir. That's a half-vampire, usually a vampire father and human mother. Nothing against the concept, I just think it's been done to pun intended.

That took me a second. Well done.

Yeah, but I'm sure it wasn't worth fighting over.

Well, I'm not a Libertarian. I have been known to dabble in assholery. Wait...that sounded kinda gay. I am sometimes an asshole, though I try to keep it in check.

I don't know how accurate your demographics are. I don't usually discuss politics with other fantasy writers.

I probably wouldn't write a book about politics unless it was on one specific topic, like gun control or another specific civil right. I could see writing a book about the urban fantasy genre, or maybe even one about writing books in general. But, I don't I'd ever write one about my past career. It just wasn't that interesting. I mean, it was for me, but I don't think many other people would find it very interesting.

I will, at some point, write a companion book for my series. Since all the books I write occur in the same Universe (again, the it will be called until someone comes up with a better name for it) a companion guide to the myths and philosophies that inspire my writing would be a helpful read for anyone enjoying my books.

My brother Joe's bedroom floor, early 1990s.

I told you never to speak of Spider-Hulk again. I do miss crystal Pepsi, though.

Probably just lay low and wait for the radioactive dust to settle, then move on with their extremely long lives. Unless the dragon were directly at ground-zero of an atomic bomb, they wouldn't be in much danger. Even then, some dragons might be able to survive it. Since dragons can't get sick, they don't need to worry about radiation poisoning and they can eat just about anything. They'd probably be annoyed that everything had gotten so ugly and gross (from the bombs and all the mess) but otherwise they'd just do what they always do: adapt and figure out how to make themselves blithely superior to every other creature on the planet without expending much effort. They didn't become the Alpha Race by being stubborn jackasses.

Remember when one of you (probably you) asked if there were any fantasy creatures other than leprechauns, unicorns and robo dragons I would never use in my books? Add centaur to the list.

I think it was my brother, Joe. I'll have to check with Patty (actual person involved in the making of the film).

(This better be good, or I'm going to light your laptop on fire)

I don't know...what did he say?

no, because...

Who the hell is asking this?

Not that I've created. Not without sorcery or some kind of technology. They still need to breathe. However, they are dragons and its fantasy so, anything is possible.