Thursday, September 2, 2010

Yet Another List of Unformable Bands

1. Brainslag - This one was born when my friend, actor Brandon Slagle, was misnamed Brian Slagle in a article. The conversation eventually turned to mispellings of his last name combined with mispelling the incorrect first name...yadda, yadda, yadda = Brainslag. This would be a dark techno-thrash offering, like Psyclon Nine or Wumpscut.

2. Whoremouth - Probably my favorite yet. I don't have any idea what the band would sound like, but early last week my friend, writer/musician/paralegal Ross Gipson told me to "shut my whore mouth!" thus giving birth to this band name.

3. Auntie Christ - Notice that you have to pronounce this "ahn-tee Christ" not, "ant-ee Christ" or it isn't funny. Fortunately it's only mildly funny when said the correct way, so it doesn't have far to fall.

4. Skorpion Trieb - Don't ask. Just enjoy. This band would do hardcore punk/metal with a goblin theme. Most of the songs would be in goblin. The lyrics would be easy to write, because goblin isn't a real language so you can just use nonsense words most of the time and no one will be the wiser...unless they read this blog. Which, I doubt anyone is.

5. The Sect's Offenders - I'm just throwing this one in for filler.

6. Pedotron 2K- Probably harsh techno-goth, I don't really know...the music isn't the important part. What is important is the concept art and branding, which will include a golden-age of sci-fi robot holding a a bag of candy.

7. Dubby Von Satan and the Blackhorns - This would be a contemporary swing band; except unlike most contemporary swing bands, they wouldn't suck. And all their songs would be about Satanism. Not that LeVeyan, San Francisco hippie bullshit: I'm talking hard-core, Lucifer-is-my-god Satan worship. I don't worship Satan or anything, I just think it's high time there was a contemporary swing band that did. Or at least pretended to for my amusement.

8. The Hipster Douchbags - Hardcore punk or something...this is another one I'm just tossing in for filler. Sorry if this feels phoned in, but it's like 1:00 AM.

9. Slavedrive - I'm pretty sure this is taken, but it would make a great name for a brutal techno-industrial band like Bile or Combichrist.

10. Toad - This is a good name for a harsh, primal, feedback-laced aggression romp like Sludge or Tom Fischer's new band, Triptykon.