This Week on True Blood, We Learned Sookie is Actually...

...not a wereduck.

In human form

 My money was on wereduck.

Ducks are known for their telepathic abilities (they all know how to fly in formation) but they only work on other ducks. It makes sense that a duck-human hybrid would have telepathy for ducks and humans. They hadn't shown Sookie around any ducks yet, and I wondered if that was intentional: if they showed her reading a ducks brain, everyone watching the show would have known immediatey, "Ah, she's a wereduck!"

It also explains why her blood is so tasty: duck taste really, really good. Especially wild ones.

This isn't exactly finding Carmen Sandiego, but the pieces do fit together pretty tight. I mean, the creatures in her dream were dancing around a pond. A POND, people. You know what else loves ponds? DUCKS! And ducks are skittish and run away when non-ducks approach, which was exactly what happened when Bill entered Sookie's duck pond dream. Granted, there were no ducks there, even when Sookie arrived, UNLESS you believed Sookie was a wereduck, in which case there were several...just not in duck form.

thanks to Cathy's Camera for the beautiful photo

Sookie also likes to be outside. You know what else really likes to be outside? Ducks.

Ducks also have voices that, while cute at first, after a few minutes become infuriating and obnoxious. You know who else has a voice that was cute for about three minutes but is now mindnumblingly irritating? Sookie Stackhouse. And the intensity of the annoyance grows exponentially the more ducks you have. Imagine more than one Sookie yapping (quacking, if you will) at once. Now, add about twenty more to that...
It's okay, it's just an illustration...you can take your head out of the microwave.

Also, ducks don't wear clothes. Sookie wears clothes, but only about half the time. I figure, being only half duck would mean she only feels the urge to get naked 50% of the time. I haven't measured it on the show, but that seems about right. It all seemed so perfect!

I was a little disappointed when I found out she wasn't a wereduck.